Just as the weather turns to our typical Autumnal gloom of dark evenings, and 24 hour drizzle punctuated by spells of bitter freezing and biting northerly winds, a message arrives.
“Hi Listy” It begins.
Now this is unusual, me receiving messages? I have way too much other stuff going on (a living to earn, this blog to update, fiction to write, a website to run, a forum to moderate, etc) to spend a whole lot of time making friends and aimlessly chatting, so it would be unreasonable to expect too many people to message me.
But there it is, an unread message from someone I have not been in contact with before.
“I read your ad. And your desperate comments too! :) [I would take issue with 'desperate' but if that's how it seems...]. I just wanted to say it’s a pity I’m so far from Yorkshire, otherwise I would ‘apply for the position’ as it suits me in all aspects.
Hard to believe there is no willing subject in your area. Keep looking.
Inyx, I think I love you. Not least because you can spell, and punctuate, and everything! And because you took a little time out to scatter some encouragement in my direction.
Here is a lesson for us all, if you happen across something good and worthwhile on the internet, just stop for one minute to applaud its author, because they will probably be more grateful than you will ever know.
Months of fruitless searching for a compatible playmate gets a person down. The early optimism, born of previous successes, evaporates in waves like the retreating tide. Self-confidence leaks away. Depression sets in. A soul begins to wonder what anyone ever saw in them in the past, whether they have morphed into something ugly and untouchable, and whether they will ever swim the erotically infested waters of kink and sensuality ever again.
Numerous fresh starts and adventures down previously unexplored avenues lead nowhere. Desperation forces one to try things that one knows to be futile, but anything is better than the loneliness of nothingness. Eventually resignation becomes the norm, and the energetic spark that is one’s closest and most attractive ally fades away. The seeker becomes just another lost face in the crowd.
And then from nowhere, the daily round of ‘logging in to check on profiles’ reveals a message! There it is, the red flashing symbol “You have One new message”. A double-check and it isn’t just a routine admin message, it is a person! Another seeker! The internal systems break free of the saturnine dusty layers and the heart-beat quickens. The message is brief, just an exploratory ‘Hey there’ to express a degree of interest without risking the embarrassment of rejection.
The reply tries to be warm and friendly, desperately trying not to reveal the desperation that is being felt so acutely. And an exchange begins, each attempting to elicit additional information from the other, and confirm the facts stated in the profiles. It is looking increasingly promising, with key facts like gender, preference, location and intent ticking the boxes.
Then silence. The previously rapid replies cease. Perhaps the last message didn’t get through? Send another one to be sure. Still nothing. A check of the sent messages reveals nothing untoward, no unwitting breach of etiquette, no horrendous faux pas.
Like an eagerly accepted phone number that never rings, just another false start in the life of the online seeker of kinky companionship.
Carol snapped the lid of her laptop closed in frustration. If she read another personal ad that contained the phrase ‘On your knees, bitch!’ – well, she really thought she would scream. She was equally concerned that her own ad hadn’t received a single response.
It was very easy for her to identify what was wrong with the men’s ads but she had no idea what the problem was with her own.
She clicked her laptop open again and went back to the last ad she’d viewed. It was from an individual calling himself ‘Screw You Hard’ and his ad was titled, ‘Bare Your Arse’.
It read, “I know how to deal with difficult girls. If you know your difficult then i’m gonna make you strip, bend over cane you hard then throw you down and fuck you. Get in touch now or its gonna be worse for you.”
Carol put her head in her hands. ‘Right’ she thought, ‘how on earth does this bloke expect to get a response?’ Apart from the spelling, grammar and punctuation, or lack thereof, there was nothing about this ad that was attractive, in fact it was a complete turn off. Carol doubted many women would take the time to analyse, they’d simply move on to the next ad but she had read too many similar not to pause and consider what went through a man’s head when he committed such words to paper.
‘Screw You Hard’ had given no information about himself, no indication of age or location. He had used ‘girl’. Was that a generic term for all females? Or did he have an unspecified age limit? The overall impression was that ‘SYH’ would beat anything that came along, the female only had to turn up, comply with the caning, the fucking and leave again. Now how many women were likely to do that? Totally impersonal and therefore a total waste of time for him! She almost wanted to send him a link to a website that explained the basic rules of the English language. But she knew he’d take that as a sign of encouragement and the last thing she wanted to do was encourage him!
Just at that moment her IM pinged and she sat back, ’Dave68’ wasn’t a name she recognised. It said ‘Good afternoon Ms Siouxsie, I’m sorry to bother you but I noticed you read my personal ad earlier today. I’ve had little response and am trying to get some feedback about why this would be. Please don’t be alarmed, I am not a stalker and if you don’t reply I will not contact you again. But any honest FB would be appreciated.’ This was followed by the link to a website that she had indeed visited earlier that day.
She didn’t really stop to consider and clicked on the link. It took her to an ad from ’Sir Dave’ and it was titled ’Compatible bottom smacking’ .
Dave seemed to be under the impression that women wanted, ‘A firm hand on your naughty bottom? Do you get away with blue murder? Are you longing for me to take you in hand? I’m a dom looking for a pretty sub who will bend to my will at my command. Contact me if you’ve been getting away with it for too long.’
Clearly, as an advert it was totally inadequate and had not provoked her to respond in any way. But at the same time, there was nothing specifically objectionable about it. Reading Dave’s IM once again, Carol began to take a little more interest. The basic grammar was all there (Carol tried to avoid being a ‘grammar snob’, but she did expect adults to have mastered the use of capital letters and full stops), it was phrased as a polite request, and it appeared Dave just needed some basic guidance in how to sell himself.
Bored with trudging through the mire of repetitive, objectionable inadequancy, Carol resolved to try to give Dave some of the assistance he had so politely requested. And who knows, she pondered, he might even have something going for him if only he was better able to put it across.
‘What do I want to see in an ad?’ she asked herself. The basics are all essential, she nodded to herself, and there needs to be something extra, something to ignite a spark. She started typing…
“Good Afternoon Dave, I don’t mind you contacting me and I’ll do my best to give you some honest FB.
First of all, your name! Do you expect to be addressed as ‘Sir’? Most subs won’t submit to just anyone and it may come across as arrogant or patronizing (or both) if you expect someone you’ve never spoken to, let alone met, to use this form of address. I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying you need to think about this – it may be putting some potential playmates off.
Secondly you give no indication of where you live or if you’re prepared to travel. Are you looking for part time playmate, full time girlfriend? A lot of women won’t have wasted their time cos you could live in Aberdeen or you could be married. BTW, if you are married you should definitely say this – up front honesty is very important.
Next, you’ve used the word ‘pretty’ – pretty subjective word (no pun intended!). You’ve just alienated, oh about 90% of females, who would never describe themselves as pretty – it sounds big headed.
There is little of your personality here – are you experienced?
Having said all of that you have used some strong trigger words/phrases, things like ‘firm hand’ or ‘take you in hand’. I think most subs respond to a little provocative language. Give it another go and see what happens.”
She sent it off and shut down the laptop, she couldn’t face another depressing trawl round the internet looking for a suitable male to tan her backside.
About fifty miles away David was pleasantly surprised to see her IM arrive. He wasn’t feeling so pleasant when he’d finished reading it though. ‘Humph’ he thought ‘I wonder if she’s got quite so much to say for herself when she’s got a sore arse.’ But then he paused, he had approached her after all and she had tried to be constructive.
David’s interest was sufficiently piqued to follow her through the website to see if she had an ad on there. When he’d found and read it he sat back in his chair and laughed. It looked as if he wasn’t the only one who needed advice.
Ms Siouxsie’s read, “I require a large dominant male. I require you to discipline me when I need it. I need to be disciplined regularly and you will need to be available as and when my bad behaviour dictates. This will be two to three times per week. I live in Winchester and you should be within easy travelling distance as I may require you on a whim. You will need to be able to come to me and I can accommodate. All other requirements up for discussion.”
Had this girl never heard the phrase ‘topping from the bottom’? Dave considered the gaping holes in her advert. How old is she? What size is she? She sounds like a bullying Matron – ‘require’?!! It was both too much information for an opening, and not enough to form any sort of opinion about her preferences. As for the attitude she projected, surely she wasn’t really like that, was she? Dave compared her ad to the IM in his Inbox. He shook his head, could they really be written by the same person? It was suddenly obvious to him that they had both failed to deliver the most basic of information, and also to convey anything about their personalities. He typed out a list of what he thought would be the most important points about a person.
Sub or Dom:
He sat back, thinking his list covered the most important points. And now he thought that a person should say what they are looking for:
Sub or Dom:
Sitting back again, he studied his two lists and even though he couldn’t fault the information, it felt very impersonal. How could anyone show their personality from such a bare-bones list?
He could see that Ms Siouxsie was offline but decided to send her, what he hoped, was a vaguely humourous IM.
“Thanks for the advice Siouxsie (BTW is that a reference to The Banshees?). Have you had much response to your ad? Hmm…..be honest now? You do realise you’ve come across like Hattie Jacques in Carry On Matron?
I’ve come up with a couple of lists (see below). Let me know if you think anything needs to be added. Do you think it would be a good idea to have a box for a bit of free text where people can add a bit of ‘flavour’ to the basics?
I will have another go at my ad and send it on to you for the ‘seal of approval’ I’m also happy to have a look at yours if you want to amend in any way……”
Carol finished reading, and bristled. ‘Bloody cheek!’ She thought, ‘Just because I criticised him, he thinks he can retaliate!’ She got up and went through to the kitchen to put the kettle on, distant images of Hattie Jacques haunting her thoughts. ‘Is that how I appear to people? Can’t be. But he is right about me not getting any responses…’
Tea in hand, she went back and pulled up her own profile, using the view that other people would see, rather than her own editable window. Grudgingly, she finally had to admit that whoever-he-is had a point, even she would tell her online self to take a hike. ‘But it says what I want,’ she mused, ‘nice clear language, no room for misunderstanding.’
‘No room for a tanned backside either!’ her conscience reminded her.
Carol began to realise just how difficult it was to create a personal advert. And it was no use looking to other ads for guidance, because everything she had seen was awful! She considered ‘Dave’s’ idea of a mixture of table and freeform… Right then smart arse, let’s see if I can come up with something that will meet your exacting standards!
“Hello Dave, yes Siouxsie is in homage to The Banshees – are you a fan? And Hattie Jacques was a bit of a goer in her day – never heard she was into spanking though! But maybe you know differently?
Anyway, yes, I think my ad could do with a revamp and you were correct I’d had no response to it – I’ve had another go based on your (now revised) template – let me know what you think.
Screen name: Ms Siouxsie
Sub or Dom: Sub
Relationship status: single
Location: Winchester, England
Age range: 38+
Sub or Dom: Dom
Relationship sought: up for discussion – anything is possible with the right man.
Location: preferably within 50 miles of Winchester
Circumstances mean I am currently without a dom to administer the punishment I so richly deserve. Are you naturally dominant? Do you enjoy OTK spanking and other forms of CP? If so you may be of some use to me and I’d like to hear from you.’
I think this is an improvement. I’m also happy to have a look at any changes you’ve made to your ad.
Dave read through ‘Siouxsie’s’ message from top to bottom for the third time. It was surely an improvement, and while he quite liked the way the essential facts were laid out nice and clearly, the downside was that although the information was there it had quite a cold and impersonal feel. And he certainly bridled at the notion of ‘being of some use’ to anyone! ‘I need to have ‘words’ with that madam’ he caught himself thinking, automatically dropping into his dominant mindset. Perhaps there was a possibility for the two of them to get together? Pushing the thought to the back of his mind, he set about completing a fresh ad of his own, using his formatted template.
Screen name: Dave68
Sub or Dom: Dom
Relationship status: separated
Location: Reading, England
Age range:30 – 50
Sub or Dom:sub
Relationship sought: friend, part-time
Location: I cannot accommodate, so within an hour or so drive of Reading.
I don’t have too much experience, but I have been fantasising about spanking for as long as I can remember. I have spanked my wife but she really wasn’t into it all that much. I would really like to give the cane and belt to someone if they will let me.
Dave sat back and read through his new advert once again. Nodding to himself with satisfaction, he pasted it into a reply message and added:
“This method seems to work quite well, although I think there are still one or two possible improvements that you might like to make to your text. Please have a look at my new version, and then we can compare notes.
I quite liked The Banshees but always preferred The Clash and The Pistols. I bet Hattie Jacques was a ‘goer’ as you so delicately put it and I do seem to recall Sid James slapping her on the arse in at least one film – so you never know…….!
Carol smiled when she read his reply – torn between amusement and exasperation. So her ad still didn’t suit him? Yet he seemed to think his was now satisfactory!
She began to compose her reply.
Do you think this format is working? I thought it was, but now I’m not so sure. For example, what precisely does ‘friend, part-time’ mean? One generally doesn’t let ones friends spank ones backside! So I suppose that needs to be explained a bit more fully. Are you looking for someone who is also a novice with a cane and belt, or do you want someone with a bit of experience who can show/tell you what to do; or do you not mind either way? I happen to be particularly fond of both these implements.
Please let me know what you, with your vast experience, think needs to be changed with my ad? I’m genuinely interested, and don’t worry, I generally have my tongue firmly in my cheek – after all cheekiness is part of my make up
The Clash eh? Love them! Never a big fan of the Sex Pistols though. And as for Sid James, well he may have been a bit wrinkly but he always had a lovely smile and a real twinkle in his eye!
Dave found himself beginning to warm to this woman. Her true character was slowly emerging from the conceited persona that her original personal ad had created. She was certainly forthright, but now that her sense of humour had a chance to shine through, her words took on a new meaning. He began to recognise the problem with ‘filling in a form’ to create an ad, it helped to ensure that important detail was clearly shown, but the key problem of showing a person’s personality was still there. He went out for a walk in the spring sunshine to ponder.
When he returned he thought he would up the game a little (just to test the water, you understand) and so replied,
“Good Afternoon Ms S,
Probably best to make sure your cheekiness doesn’t result in a very sore bottom from a very frustrated dom! Be aware that your obvious preference for wrinkly older men may not be enough to save you!
You requested a little more detail about your last ad. Well here goes – you want a man who is naturally dominant as you may have ‘some use for him’. How many doms do you actually know? Do you know any who are likely to respond to such a ‘bossy’ tone? You’re now coming across like Monica from ‘Friends’ – fine if you’ve narrowed the dom population down to the ones who want to be nagged and hen pecked – but in my experience there aren’t too many of them around!
If you don’t want to sound too submissive straight off, then at least try a conciliatory stance, or ‘meet him half way’.
On the other hand, some of your language is spot on and at least you know you are very definitely deserving of punishment (even if it sounds like it’s long overdue).
I’m going to have another stab at re-writing mine. I’ll send it along for your forensic analysis when I’ve finished.
His hand hovered over the ‘x’ key. No, he wouldn’t put a kiss at the end. He was, after all, far too macho for such nonsense!
When her IM pinged, Carol was surprised that her hand flew to read the message. She tried her best to be annoyed but the smile kept breaking through. So, he’d now compared her to Hattie Jacques and Monica Geller – at least he wasn’t hung up on size – two ladies at more extreme ends of that particular spectrum it would have been difficult to find! She was still considering her response when another ‘ping’ heralded the arrival of a new message from Dave68:
“Hi. I am a 49yr old male dominant from Reading. I am presently still married, but separated. I have limited experience but know that spanking is the thing that is missing from my life. I am keen to extend my experience with new implements, but always within the limits set by my partner. I would like to meet a younger woman who is interested in receiving spankings, although at this time I am not looking for a full-time relationship. Apart from applying discipline where it will do the most good, I am keen to find a person with whom I can share good conversation, and a laugh. I cannot accommodate, and so if you live within reasonable driving distance I would love to hear from you.”
‘Now that,’ she thought, ‘is much better.’
“Hi Dave, that’s a lot better – and I’m sure it will illicit some positive responses. Let me know what you think of my latest effort (below). I shall try to pass over/ignore the fact that you’re obviously dying to get your ‘firm hand on my naughty bottom’ – although the idea is not altogether anathema to me! (bold hussy, aren’t I?)
‘Hi, I’m a 38year old submissive, currently live in Winchester. I am looking for an older, preferably experienced, dom. Your dominance will be as natural to you and part of your personality as my submissive side is to me. Regrettably my behaviour can often leave a lot to be desired. I have on occasion been known to be very cheeky, almost bordering on rude. Others have attempted to correct these undesirable character flaws but to date no one has succeeded. If you have a way with impertinent wenches but are not intimidated by one who has a brain and a life of her own then please get in touch. I’m not able to travel but am happy to accommodate.’
She wanted to see what he’d make of that!
‘Well,’ thought Dave, ‘I’d reply!’ Dave read it through again. ‘Does she actually mean what I am understanding here? I think she does, you know!’ He sat upright in his chair, a thrill of expectancy running through him. Preparing to type, he had a quick word with himself. ‘Careful, old boy. Gently does it, don’t screw it up now!’
I am very pleased to hear that you approve of my latest effort. I moved away from the idea of a formal layout because it seemed so impersonal, but it did help me to get all the important details included into an ad that made sense. And, for what it’s worth, I feel sufficiently drawn to ‘the new you’ that I would want to reply.
Speaking of which, would it be too impertinent of me to ask if you really meant to suggest that you would not object to me making a proposal as to the disposition of you naughty rump and my knee? Because, if that was to be the case, I would rather like to move that notion forward a little by suggesting that we get together for a coffee in order to discuss the proposal in more detail. No firm committments, obviously, but it would be nice to meet you, if only for some very interesting conversation. I hope you don’t mind my asking?
Very best wishes,
This time he typed several xxx’s under his name, but it didn’t feel right and he promptly deleted two of them before hitting ‘Send’. He sat back, realising his heart was pounding quite firmly against his chest.
Several seconds later, Carol read through his IM and a large grin broke on her face. With a distantly remembered tune circling in her head, she began to type:
“Hi Sir Dave, ……………”
I was tired of my lady
We’d been together too long
Like a worn-out recording
Of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping
I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns
There was this letter I read
“If you like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
If you’re not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you’d like making love at midnight
In the dunes on the Cape
Then I’m the love that you’ve looked for
Write to me and escape.”
I didn’t think about my lady
I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady
Have fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper
Took out a personal ad
And though I’m nobody’s poet
I thought it wasn’t half bad
“Yes I like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
I’m not much into health food
I am into champagne
I’ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon
And cut through all this red-tape
At a bar called O’Malley’s
Where we’ll plan our escape.”
So I waited with high hopes
And she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant
I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady
And she said, “Oh it’s you.”
Then we laughed for a moment
And I said, “I never knew.”
That you like Pina Coladas
Getting caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean
And the taste of champagne
If you’d like making love at midnight
In the dunes of the Cape
You’re the lady I’ve looked for
Come with me and escape
While I have been busy with the ‘Rachel’ series (along with my co-conspirator) since February, it has resulted in a dearth of normal blogging activity. I suppose most bloggers experience this scenario, reporting on stuff that happens is relatively straight-forward, but how do we get on when anticipated events do not occur? ‘X’ is expected then. ‘X’ hasn’t happened yet. ‘X’ still hasn’t happened. ‘X’ isn’t happening, but it might do soon… It all gets a bit tedious after a while.
The original purpose of this blog was to serve as a shop window, in which I hoped to ‘sell myself’. Sell my ‘dominant spanker of female bottoms’ self, to be precise. The thing is, I’m not a salesman. If ever I try, such as when selling my car, I under-value it out of guilt, thinking that nobody could possibly have a use for my old cast-off. Of course, by dropping the price too low, people assume that there is something wrong with it and won’t even come to see it. Someone with a bit more ‘push’ would crank the price up and extol its virtues, but instead I find myself telling folks about all the things the car has had wrong with it. Not good. http://1isty.wordpress.com for the original ‘Listy’s Search’ content
It surely goes without saying that I sell myself in much the same way. “I’m old, but there is life in the old dog yet.” Whereas people who know me say that my youthful exuberance and energy leads them to believe I am twenty years younger than I actually am! What’s wrong with a bit of modesty and understatement, I ask? The answer that comes back is always the same, and always painful to hear. People are used to having things talked up, and make allowances that the item is probably not quite as good as the sales pitch suggests. So by starting low, people’s assumptions immediately downgrade even a modest assessment still lower. But I simply cannot be something I am not. I have been this way for 50-odd years, and it isn’t about to change any time soon. The hope is that potentially interested people will read my bloggings and make their own assessment of my worth.
And there is another complication. If I were to look for a spanking partner close to my own age, I have every confidence that she would materialise quite quickly. But the thing is, in my younger days the age of ‘she who must obey’ was not important, in fact just finding someone was reward enough. But as I have ‘matured’, so have my tastes become more refined, it is no longer enough that ‘she’ is female and comes with rump already attached. No, let’s make things really difficult and demand that ‘she’ not only act out the part of a much younger naughty niece, but also actually be young enough to be my daughter. Hell’s Bells, I’ve turned into a spanking connoisseur, and a dirty old man! http://1isty.wordpress.com for the original ‘Listy’s Search’ content
Where is she now, young girl who 15 years ago informed me that I was nice but not old enough for her tastes?
I know the mind-set exists, girls who crave a spanker old enough to be the stern disciplinarian of their fantasy. What is their universal complaint? That there are not enough ‘mature’ gentleman spankers to go around. Well here I am, girls! But don’t delay, I feel life ebbing away as I write!
This blog continues to attract this search query, and by inference, people who are themselves hoping to find the right person, in the right place, who wants to spank them, or be spanked by them. My previous posts on this subject, Is Online Behaviour Important, and Seeking Spanking Partners are read daily, and when I have not posted recently, their popularity floats them to the top of the ‘most read posts’ list. Nobody ever replies or comments, and so it is unclear to me whether those previous posts are any use, or not. Did you – do you – find the ideas helpful?
My own search has been unsuccessful thus far, in that I have not yet met a girl who is inclined to tip herself face down across my lap. Or, at least, not one for whom this inclination is a practical possibility! (Yes girls, I know, damn that pond!) But I am getting to know some fascinating people along the way. http://1isty.wordpress.com for the original Listy’s Search content
But I am reminding myself that human relationships are categorically not like shopping! Despite my ‘market stall’ analogy, which is intended to help folks on the way to doing the basics right, we do not wander into a bar, select our chosen ‘other’ and haul them off to do rude things with them… Although! …. Hmm, nice idea but it has flaws
Let’s have a show of hands here. How many of us have lusted after someone from afar, dreamed of their perfection in our sleep, schemed and maneuvered to get close to them, and possibly even made total asses of ourselves in futile attempts to get them to notice us? And then one day, by pure chance, we have an entire day with them to ourselves, only to find that they are unbearable and by lunchtime we can’t wait to escape them. Or maybe that chance never came, and we still dream about them? Well, stop it! Because if that person was right for us, mutual attraction would have overcome everything to bring us together. And then we would have been disappointed anyway.
Physical attraction (or lack thereof!) cannot be ignored, but it can easily be overcome. A person’s writing is a window into the workings of their mind, and the greater the depth and detail of the writing, the less opaque the window. If, when composing one’s personal ad, we simply copy the same tired formula used by hundreds of thousands before us, we may as well use a fake stick-on window, or at best a mark-out for where the window is going to be. Many are afraid to allow people to peer into their minds, lest what others see in there makes them run away. But isn’t that going to happen sooner or later anyway? It is unreasonable to expect everyone to like our decor, but compatible people certainly will. How many bland, repetitive windows have we passed without even noticing the contents? It is the ‘interesting’ windows that catch our eye, and it doesn’t matter if it is Macey’s store front, or the tatty little junk shop on the corner, we will stop at both (and I will be found gazing into the junk shop long after it shuts). http://1isty.wordpress.com for the original Listy’s Search content
“But I can’t write!” I hear you say. Cow dung. ‘Can’t be arsed to write’ is more likely closer to the truth. Certainly some people are ‘more gifted’ (code for ‘find it easier’) in the writing department, but their (my?) prose may be a massive turn-off to some people, whereas the naive simplicity of what you write might be a beautiful thing to others.
What is a turn-on to me, every time, is a piece of writing that has been written from the heart. It really doesn’t matter that it may be technically incompetent (and I make no inflated claims for my own efforts here!), or incorrectly spelled, or badly punctuated. What matters is that you have laid out a piece of you on the page. ‘This is me, this is what I think, this is how I feel, take it or leave it’. The person who is right for you will choose to ‘take it’, every time.
So please, when you next spare five minutes to post your personal ad. Stop. Forget about telling us all which part of your anatomy is bigger than everyone else’s (it only tells us which part is smaller!). Forget about telling us how many times and for how long. Forget about telling us how you can breathe through your ears (Girls! Focus!!). Use that five minutes to figure out what makes you different from the herd, what makes you special (the herd all have tits and cocks), and then take five hours to write a few careful lines. That is the ad that will actually attract someone. http://1isty.wordpress.com for the original Listy’s Search content
PS For balance, I want to write something to help the girls with their searches, but obviously I am not well qualified in that department. If I can link to another useful site? Or if any of you have any major ‘Do’ or ‘Do Not’ points, I would love to hear them. Add a comment, or for privacy: jaguar54 at gmx dot com
According to Chambers Online Dictionary:
frustrated adj1 a feeling of agitation and helplessness at not being able to do something. 2 disappointed; unhappy; dissatisfied. 3 unfulfilled in one’s ambitions for oneself. 4 not sexually satisfied.
spanker noun 1 someone who smacks.
And their thesaurus suggests that I am: disappointed, discontented, discouraged, dissatisfied, disheartened, embittered, resentful, angry, annoyed, thwarted, blighted, repressed.
Yes, I am all those things in equal measure, when all I actually want is to experience the suggested antonyms of fulfilled, and satisfied. That is not too much to ask, is it? http://1isty.wordpress.com for the original ‘Listy’s Search’ content
The thing is, spanking is such a very small part of my life. I don’t make my living doing it (although that is a fascinating day-dream for another time!), I am not married to it, I don’t go on holiday to do it, and it is not a part of routine family life. 99% of the people who know me will never see this one glittering facet of my persona. So why does such a minor glitch in an otherwise happy, contented and normal life cause such a disproportionate ruckus?
I can’t answer that, it just does.
When I am able to partake of spanking a girl’s deliberately bared bottom, with intent, I am complete. But, to the average girl in the street, wanting to do such a thing to her would be considered extreme, in the extreme! Asking such a thing would be an excellent, sure-fire method of getting one’s face slapped, repeatedly, and probably even if she privately wanted me to tip her over!
So, to the average Joe on the street I am an aggressive, abusive menace, who really ought to be manacled at all times, just in case. http://1isty.wordpress.com for the original ‘Listy’s Search’ content
But! I am a firm believer in Yin and Yang, and all the evidence suggests that for every variation from the norm, there is an equal and opposite variation. Balance in all things. From this philosophy, I am convinced that for every spanker, there is someone else who actively wants to be spanked.
What does our average Joe make of nature’s submissives, or bottoms, or whatever your preferred label? They actually want to be physically struck, to be ‘abused’? Surely they must be ill, mentally unbalanced, to be pitied and protected from themselves, lest those other ‘beasts’ take advantage of their weakness. And being viewed as a submissive and therefore lesser being, as opposed to the dominant scary one, they must be even more careful to hide their natural tendencies. It is no coincidence that a great many sexually submissive men and women learn to disguise their trait so well that they are viewed as the polar opposite and hold down respected positions of authority. http://1isty.wordpress.com for the original ‘Listy’s Search’ content
And now I have got that all out of my system, I am left with my one outstanding goal. Somewhere out there, lurking quietly in case anyone guess her private desires, is the girl who would like nothing better than for me, yes ME, to put her across my knee for the bare bottom spanking she has been craving but not daring to ask for. It is down to you, kind readers, to help us both. To make this missive known to the widest possible audience, in the earnest hope that she may chance upon it, and make two people very happy – fulfilled and satisfied.
And all you other ‘searchers’ out there (yes, I know you are there, I see your search terms), why not post a Comment here, or ‘Like’ this post, or ‘bookmark’ on your favourite service, ‘Tweet’ about it, shout it from the rooftops! If no-one knows you are here, how will they find you? Your next partner could be sitting right beside you in the cyber cafe, or just across the office, or sharing your journey. ‘Just Do It’
Many people, both men and women, like to indulge in a specific roleplay that involves one or both partners taking on the role of someone of a much different age to their real years. More commonly, this would involve one partner assuming an age that has key significance at some point in their past, while the other partner assumes a ‘supervisory’ role that naturally dovetails with it. It is not uncommon for a participant to ‘regress’ right back to infancy, where the scene is embellished with diapers, feeding bottles (or flesh and blood nipples), cots, toys, and traditional infant clothing. Indeed, a small industry has sprung up in order to furnish these items in the adult sizes required. However, my own tastes do not go back this far and so I am not qualified to discuss the ‘adult baby fetish’ in detail. What I will say though, is to underline that while (like most fetishes) the scenario may appear utterly bizarre to someone who is not involved, certainly to the point of ridicule, I am completely at ease with the idea that a person might find comfort and solace in this type of roleplay. http://1isty.wordpress.com for the original ‘Listy’s Search’ content
My own preferences lay in the adolescent school years. Initially, this was not a problem since I was of similar age. However, as years passed and my fetish became more focussed, I became concerned that buried deep inside me was a wish to chastise young girls dressed in school uniform. These thoughts were hastily reburied as deeply as possible, but continued to surface periodically. It was not until I discovered spanking magazines on the book shelves that the complete detail of my fetish became apparent. I did not yearn to do unspeakable things to schoolgirls dressed in their uniforms (I have since mentally tested myself through observation and found, to my relief, that children of this age do absolutely nothing for me!). No, what matters to me most is that the person wearing the white knee-socks, pleated skirt, striped tie and blazer must be an adult.
While my early fetish realisations were heavily focussed on the physical act of spanking, it took a number of years more before I gradually began to recognise a desire to erotically humiliate my playmate. And I stress the term “erotically”, and add that it must take place within a fully consenting arrangement. And so, it is the dressing up, and subsequent juvenile spanking of a grown woman that floats my boat. A long way removed from the rather worrying paedophilic overtones that “schoolgirl spanking” might suggest. It is a happy coincidence that more than a few women have a strong urge to be treated in this way, and it is one of those women that I hope to attract through this blog. http://1isty.wordpress.com for the original ‘Listy’s Search’ content
I intend to delve a little deeper into my own particular ‘specialism’ in future posts. Fetishism is a dark and mysterious world, one which many claim to have some of the answers, but not everyone, and not all of the answers.
Well, I guess after six months many of you will be expecting me to have a queue of girls lined up, all waiting with skirts hiked up and knickers lowered, ready for their spankings.
Dream on (and I do!). It takes a deal of hard work to get a blog noticed, so that it gets read by people who may also be looking for a spanking partner. And hard work alone is not enough, it also takes time for the ‘social media’ to pick up on one’s work, and get busy spreading the word. Long days and weeks pass with just the occasional connection.
And then, a blog is a dynamic thing, stop blogging and it dies. It has to be kept watered with fresh content or people stop bothering with it. There are times (and many of them) when real world issues eat up your blogging time and nothing gets done.
Despite all this, I have ‘met’ some very nice people through this blog, people with whom a connection has been established. Alas, as is usually the way, these people are geographically distant and, even if the desire was there, it is highly unlikely that we would ever get together. And so the waiting game continues…
It is a game of highs and lows, with the frustrations being tempered by the pleasure of getting to know new people. If you like what you have read in here, please spread the word, and drop me a line to say ‘hi’, us writers all need a little encouragement you know
One of the top search queries that brings readers to this blog is “seeking spanking partners”. Not entirely unreasonable given that I began the blog with the intention of finding a spanking playmate for myself, and I have already made a post that focuses on what many people do wrong in their own attempt to find a partner. (Is Online Behaviour Important? http://wp.me/pWmAL-14)
The biggest single frustration of looking for a partner is that there is no real sign of progress. Each day you eagerly check your email Inbox in the hope that someone has contacted you, or replied to an attempted contact that you made the previous day, but in vain. As the days, weeks and possibly months tick by, despair sets in. Are all those opposite sex profiles just fakes and time-wasters? Are you doing something wrong? Is there something objectionable about you that is putting people off? http://1isty.wordpress.com for the original Listy’s Search content
The answers to all those questions is most probably a resounding ‘No!’. That is not to say that everyone is genuine and honest, or that a few people are not just amusing themselves with no real intention of progressing beyond online teasing. Or that you are doing everything perfectly, because the one certainty is that what works for one person will not be 100% right for the next. But overall, it is the ultimate game of patience.
As I know from first-hand experience, and am currently experiencing for myself, natural doubts come and go. An occasional positive contact from someone across the globe (bless you xmemore!) goes a long way to bolster confidence. If she was attracted, then surely it is just a matter of time before someone closer shows up? True, but the great unknown is how long that period of time will be – and stop calling me Shirley!
It is important that you set your stall out. Just as any market trader knows, your goods need to look purchaseable (I deliberately avoided using the word ‘attractive’ because this tends to indicate Hollywood looks etc), your stall must not be seen to be attempting to hide anything, although any trader will know to put the very best produce to the fore. People out there are realistic, they are imperfect specimens themselves and do not seriously expect perfection. And they are certainly just as frustrated themselves. Have you ever tried to buy a specific item, only to find that nobody is selling the right model, in the right colour, and at the right price? The truth is that your item will be on sale, somewhere, sometime. You, the seeker, must be patient. http://1isty.wordpress.com for the original Listy’s Search content
Have you set your stall out in the market square, or is it tucked away in a back street that nobody walks? In other words, you will have placed a personal ad that explains who you are and who you hope to meet, but is it placed on a high traffic site, and is the site clientelle that right type?
The Internet is a fantastic resource for connecting with other people, the more so if we are involved in something a little risqué that we would rather our mothers and the next door neighbour didn’t know about. This blog is my personal ad, I guess. I hate trying to write descriptions of myself, preferring to waffle away, and in doing so exposing my inner workings for all to see. But how many people are passing by? If my chances are 1 in 10,000, then I need 10,000 visitors, or maybe I will strike lucky and the 64th visitor will be the one. I am hoping to improve the odds by publicising my blog. And I have a profile on Facebook that publishes blog snippets and a link back to the full article. I am connecting with other spanking blogs so there is a pathway for people to follow. And I am befriending people on Facebook. http://1isty.wordpress.com for the original Listy’s Search content
I am not saying that my way is the right way! But essentially, if you follow the market trader logic and set out your goods neatly, using whichever means you prefer, then passing people will browse your stall, and perhaps one will make a purchase.
Sticking with the market trader analogy for a moment, are you attracted when they start touting their wares in full voice, or does it annoy you, preferring to browse at your leisure and in your own time? And what of the traders who single you out from the passing crowd for a direct and personal approach? The latter equates to harvesting names and email addresses from forums and such like, and then bombarding them all with your approach. It can work, but my belief is that it annoys most, and may well get you barred from the market place altogether! http://1isty.wordpress.com for the original Listy’s Search content
Be keen by all means, but don’t let eagerness destroy your chances. Good luck!
(Don’t hesitate to reply or comment, it is all valuable information, and you might ask a question I didn’t think to answer)
As I touched on in earlier posts, in my experience there is a dual aspect to erotic spanking between consenting adults. For both spanker and spankee, the purely physical act satisfies our deepest innate needs. Scientific research has demonstrated anatomical reactions to receiving a spanking, chemical changes rushing from nerve centres to affect parts of the brain, in a good way. Endorphins, that is. But I do not intend to delve too deeply here, it is enough to understand that either giving or receiving a spanking is a tremendously cathartic experience, presuming that it is carried out sensitively. The physical act is the core to all that surrounds the experience.http://1isty.wordpress.com for the original Listy’s Search content
But I do not believe the true eroticism of the act is apparent in the purely physical. Just as with straight-forward sex, it takes our brains to get in on the act before we begin to enjoy the physical in a deep and emotional way. Whether giving or receiving, our minds absorb the physical sensations and incorporate them into our thoughts and fantasies. Consciously or not, we are each taken to a place within ourselves where an inner roleplay is enacted. At least, in my own experience it is highly unusual to remain strictly in the ‘here and now’, purely focussed on the action within the room. This should not be confused with the notorious accusation that we are sometimes engaged in sex with our partners but fantasizing that they are a movie star. It is more that we are (at least subconsciously) being guided by our fantasies which probably do not revolve around a specific person, rather they are a jumbled cloud of erotic snippets that have accumulated over the years.
In my experience, a spanking partnership functions at its very best when your playmate’s deepest and darkest fantasies and desires are a close match with your own. This is often quite difficult to establish, since relative strangers are very unlikely to blurt out their kinkiest, most personal fantasies at first meeting. But over time, as the relationship flourishes and matures, the partners become more confident in each other and slowly reveal snippets of the things most personal to them. It could turn out that one partner reveals a fantasy involving X, while the other partner has always tried to suppress the same fantasy, considering it too deep and too dark to cope with. This being the case, they have the opportunity to explore a whole new avenue together, very intimate, and very personal. Such liaisons are capable of producing an incredible intimacy that is much more intense than even the longest serving married couples ever achieve.http://1isty.wordpress.com for the original Listy’s Search content
With each new partner – and partnerships such as those described above do not come along very often – there is the added eroticism of exploring another person’s mental furniture and playing with their ‘toys’ for a while. Not to mention having someone to share your toys with.http://1isty.wordpress.com for the original Listy’s Search content